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Boot Cut Capris

Boot cut capris. Boot cut capris.

Boot cut capris?

Boot cut capris boot cut capris boot cut capris.

I'm sorry, Old Navy, but no matter how many times I say it, the concept is still ridiculous.

Also on the consumerist beat, the other day on I saw one of those banner ads that come close to making my head explode every once in a while, this one more than most. The ad is probably still there, it seems to be in 100 percent rotation. Maybe they only have one advertiser left, and that's why they're switching to a subscription model.

I read Salon, but I hardly ever bother with their serious articles, because most of them are either a) badly written or b) so obviously biased they give you a headache in one half of your brain. I'm kind of bummed that I won't get to read their reality TV synopses any more, because those are really funny, but I don't miss them enough to spend actual money. I'm also kind of annoyed that their non-premium content now has huge whopping ads sprawled across the text, often moving, but I've become skilled at turning off my peripheral vision—a survival trait on the Web which will probably get me killed in traffic one of these days.

But enough about them, back to the ad.

The ad in question is for the Mercury Mountaineer. An SUV, of course—they specialize in making that vein in my forehead throb.

This is a special SUV, though. It's different. You want to know how it's different? Of course you do!

This is an SUV being directly marketed as a city vehicle. "Because you choose to live here," the tag-line goes, with a shot of a city skyline.

Okaaaaay. Because I choose to live in a place where parking comes dear, gas prices have just reached their all-time high, and the roads, although heavy on the narrow and twisty aspects, are in fact regularly plowed in the winter, I should buy a vehicle only slightly smaller than a motor home that gets about five miles to the gallon and will cheerfully scale cliffs?

Sure. No problem, I'll buy that. And while I'm at it, I'll buy some of those capris, too. I can wear my boots with those.

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© 2000 Rebecca J. Stevenson