"It's not your problem. And there's no reason for you to be involved."
    "It is my problem. I'm your friend. You're a good person. I know you pretty well, I've seen how you do your job. You're responsible and dedicated. And I like you."
    "Thanks." I smiled faintly and shook my head. "But it doesn't matter." Not to them, anyway, and therefore I can't let it matter to me, not now.
    He sighed. "I know this hasn't been easy. I've seen what you've been going through, this sort of desperate thrashing around for a new personality—"
    "Thank you, Joe Sensitive," I remarked acidly—distance, distance. "I am perfectly happy with my personality, thank you. No, don't," I fended off an attempt to interrupt. "Look, the fact is, if they really want me, they're going to get me." I paused to let that sink in. "There's nothing I can do about it. That doesn't mean I'm going to make it easy for them."
    "You're giving up." His voice held a note of incredulity.
    "I have not given up." I don't think he believed me. I'm not sure if I did, then or now.
    "You might as well turn yourself over to them and spend the rest of your life in a room somewhere with them doing—whatever—to you."
    I smiled a little at that; he was trying to provoke me. "That might have worked. Don't think I haven't thought about this, all right? That's just how the situation is. It's statistics." One of these days I'll be alone and not looking in the right direction. I'm not Lucky, for crying out loud; I can think of six ways to kill me without even trying hard, which is one of the things that bothers me—what are they waiting for? The only thing I can think of is that Zed's boss has the upper hand right now, that I still haven't done whatever it is he's hoping I'll do, that the other three would rather stop. "They might have given up, all right? They might have decided they don't care about me, they're going to let me go, but I don't know that. I can't. I won't have you take that chance."
    "So now you're afraid that if you get close to anyone, they might be used as hostages."
    "They tried it once, they'll try it again."
    "That's why you moved out to the base?"
    I nodded, no longer trusting my voice.
    "And you're just going to cut yourself off from everyone, except the team I suppose, from now on."
    I looked away.
    I've been over and over it, before and since that conversation, and I can't see anything else to do. I've been thinking about it a lot, these past couple of months, and the only thing to do is to face the facts and get on with my life. The main fact being, it's likely to be a very short life. Saying I can live with that would take more irony than even I can summon, at least now. But either way, I can't deal with the thought of one of the very few people who mean something to me getting hurt or killed because they're foolish enough to get in the way of what's going to happen anyway.
    "Well, that's just great."
    I summoned enough energy to put some challenge in my glance and tone. "It's my problem, all right? There's no reason for anyone else to be involved."
    A long pause followed.
    "All right," he gave in at last, with a faint sigh. "If that's how you want things."
    "It's not how I want things." My voice was just short of a whisper. "It's just how things are."
    That was that. Every word of the past ten minutes might as well have cost blood from how I felt. We went back to the conference room in silence. Hurry up and put me out of my misery, guys, passed through my mind.
    "Strudel. Coffee, black." I handed them to Lucky.
    "I didn't ask for coffee," she noted, "but thanks."
    "I know you."
    "What happened?"
    "Nothing." I don't think I was shaking. She could probably hear my heartbeat or something.
    "Liar."
    "So are you."
    "I've never lied to you."
    That sounded like a challenge—an unexpected one, from her, who never exposed anything if she could help it. Or hadn't, until last night.
    "It's not important," I told her.
    She didn't push further, and we headed for the courtroom. On the way we ran into a rather sizable crowd emerging from another room. Aliese was among them, smiling and laughing. I caught the words "bail" and "two point four million dollars." Then he saw Lucky and me, and his smile got bigger.

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