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A parallel Earth of evil clowns bent on conquest shouldn't come as too much of a surprise.

 

 

Janitors of Anarchy

In an infinite universe, anything is possible. Anything. So the presence of an entire parallel Earth full of evil clowns bent on the domination of our world shouldn't come as too much of a surprise.
    No. I'm not kidding.
    The Janitors of Anarchy are a propaganda team coming to our dimension from their own, spreading the creed of chaos in their wake—not just any chaos, but fun chaos: laugh so much your sides hurt, each corn dogs 'til you wanna puke, forget going in to work, instead throw cream pies from the library clock tower kinda chaos. Originally consisting of a diplomat, a warrior and their vehicle, the original transport of the team was interrupted by a terrorist, one of the unfortunate "unfunnies" of their homeworld. Accidentally dragging him along, the disruption in transport caused amnesia and confusion in the Janitors. It was hard to tell, but they lost sight of their complicated, master, 13 1/2 step plan to converting the world.
    Instead they rob banks and stuff, at least until they remember what they're supposed to be doing.
    The original members of the Clown Force were joined by sentient candy creations of variant villain Black Jellybean, a persistent of foe of Black Dragon. Despite their ludicrous abilities and totally unclear motives and goals, they are a potent force of opponents for small variant teams. For one thing, they throw the heroes completely off their stride, trying to figure out how to fight these yahoos. They are persistent foes of Section Eight—they might have fought other hero teams, but no one will admit to it —and recently escaped from jail by leaving perfect balloon animal replicas of themselves in the cells.
    When their memory returns they might actually begin their plans. Or maybe not.

Merryandrew
The diplomat from the dimension of the clowns, he is the funniest man alive. With his nebbish look and Bob Newheart stammer, everything he says produces gales of laughter, incapacitating opponents. His hat is invulnerable and he is adept at blocking with it, buying himself time to say something dangerous, like a knock knock joke. Actual jokes laugh the target to unconsciousness. He may possess killing humor, but he has never used it.

Slapstick
The soldier from the dimension of the clowns, Slapstick is the master of the pratfall, the practical joke, the pie with a brick in it to the face. He is an excellent stuntman and takes a fall like none other, and watching him beat the snot out of your teammates can be a pure joy. Slapstick carries an arsenal of weapons from his home dimension, including boomerang fish, banana peels that cling to feet, seltzer sprayers that have more force than a fire hose and, of course, exploding cigars.

Doombuggy
The transport system for the JoA, Doombuggy is a sentient, animate VW bug with dimensional travel capabilities and a tesseract construction. His back seat is the size of a city block, with a Burger Circus restaurant, sauna and newstand. Doombuggy is as strong, fast and maneuverable as a VW, and his headlights can be used as blinding attacks or lasers. He can fold himself into himself, shifting into the Twilight for rapid travel. He has little accuracy when it comes to cross-dimensional travel, perhaps due to the programming glitches from the first trip.

The Gingerbread Man
A creation of Black Jellybean's, he is really made of gingerbread. As with all the Candymen, the Gingerbread Man is clever but single minded, taking orders and approaching objectives in a peculiar manner. He uses his speed and pliability to great effect, and is armed with a devastating candy cane that he uses for run-by attacks. He has no peripheral vision, due to his flat face and little-black-dot eyes.

Rubbermaid
Second of the Candymen, she changed her name from Taffy when she joined the JoA. Her body is made from highly elastic caramel, and she can stretch great distances and shrug off any impact or kinetic damage just by letting her body assume the shape of the object that hit her, than shaking for a few seconds making BLBLBLBLBL noises. She is less violent than Gingerbread Man, preferring to wrap her opponents up rather than crush them—she's really very sweet.

The Cotton Candy Monster Woman
Fourteen feet of gliding, sticky, super-strong cotton candy, she is an inarticulate combat machine. She might have been unstoppable, save that she melts in water. Somehow regardless of how wet she gets, there is always enough of her left somewhere to regrow herself, and she regenerates at great speed.

Bobo the Evil Clown
The terrorist Unfunny who disrupted the JoA's original departure from their home dimension, he is now free on earth, where he still isn't funny and is pretty bitter about it. He acts as a hit man and enforcer south of the border.

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Copyright © 1998 Brian Rogers